December 2009
34 posts
No, just browsing
thejerkstore:
On Saturday morning, I cut the shit out of my hand on a broken glass. (I now know what my knuckle bone looks like.) My wife wasn’t home, so I drove myself to the hospital. Before I left, I wrapped my hand in an entire roll of gauze. By the time I got to the hospital, it had soaked through and was dripping blood. The woman at the registration desk looked at me and my bloody hand and...
How Pregnancy Happens →
Watchthejerkstore:
Watching this was the most worthwhile eight minutes of my day.
Jersey Shore Nickname Generator →
One of the worst shows on television has at least contributed some of the greatest, yet douchiest, nicknames ever… “The Situation,” “Snookie” (who everyone mistakenly calls Snickers, a name much better suited to her chubby brown self), and “JWOWW.”
I present my very own JS nickname… Vibe Time.
Simon's Pie Charts →
On my Xmas list →
Bar review gift certificates… invest in my future!
Ponder Beard →
How LG is Getting Teens to Think Before They Text
One in five teenagers have received a naked picture in a cell phone message. That’s one scary stat that LG marketing executive Ehtisham Rabbani uncovered while researching how teens use mobile technology.
The Color Purple
Squeak: Harpo! Who dis woman?
Harpo: Now come now, you know who this is.
Squeak: She best'a leave you alone.
Sophia: Fine with me.
Harpo: [to Sophia] You ain't got to go nowhere. Dis here my juke-joint.
Squeak: [to Harpo] You said dis here OUR juke-joint!
Harpo: Listen woman, can't a man dance with his wife if he wants to?
Squeak: Not if she left'm! [to Sophia] And not if he my man! You just a big ol heffa. Ha Ha Ha.
Sophia: Like I said, fine with me!
WatchAfrican-American Boycott of L.L. Bean Enters 80th Year.
This is hilarious especially because I mysteriously received an unsolicited L.L. Bean catalog in the mail on Monday. I have never purchased anything from the outdoorsy retailer and likely never will. This is The Onion, but maybe there’s some truth to this. L.L. Bean IS trying to lure Black folks in by sending us random catalogs! WOW!
Lamebook →
The funniest and lamest of facebook.
Funny Baby Pacifiers →
My family doesn’t really DO pacifiers for babies. It’s kinda pointless and enabling but you can talk to me about that later. I might have to make an exception for THESE though. LOL
Breeding Fish
Ihsan: So... I'm trying to get Terrance* to breed.
me: terrance can't breed
Ihsan: Huh?
me: beta fish hate each other. they'd eat each other! well... not eat
Ihsan: Well...
me: but fight to the death
Ihsan: Terrance was receptive at first.
me: did you put another fish in there?
Ihsan: But the female betta started getting too aggresive and she started chewing off some of his fins.
me: SEE! omg lol
Ihsan: I got him in the medicine bowl now. He looks pissed. I mean, they do that anyway.
me: this is too much lol
Ihsan: I sat them in the divided tank for a day. They were fne.
me: Time Out.
Ihsan: Lifted out the divider. They were cool. The female presented herself. Vertical stripes and all. Terrance ignored her at first, but then he got to prsenting himself. They circled. Looked like a love connection, yo.So I put them into the aquarium. Then Terrance got all uppity. And chasing her away. And she kept going after him.I hadn't noticed that she was taking a mouthful of fin each time she went at him.
me: SMH. Do you even know how fish mate?
Ihsan: YES.
me: You can't send them out for dinner and a movie!
Ihsan: I've been reading up on it for months.
me: They don't have to LIKE each other! LOL But they do have to avoid biting one another's fins off!
Ihsan: Yeah.I bought the female and figured that $3 couldn;t hurt if Terrance decides to kill her.
me: HUMAN SACRIFICE! Uh, I mean... AMPHIBIAN SACRIFICE!!!
Ihsan: YES.
me: Fish are amphibians, right?
Ihsan: I don;t kow.
me: * facepalm *
Ihsan: I think that denotes that they breathe air as well.
me: hmm...
Ihsan: Or is that "amphibious"?
me: I googled it.
Ihsan: Who got 5 degrees in this convo. YOU tellME.lol
me: "Fish are a separate classification simply called fish."
Ihsan: Okay.
me: Praise teh interwebz.
*Terrance is my beta fish that I left in the custody of Ihsan when I moved to Japan.
I Do Not Tolerate My Coworkers Stupid Jokes
thejerkstore:
It’s a cold, rainy day today. One of my coworkers came in from smoking and said “Days like today remind of a certain Guns ‘n’ Roses song”. Lame.
So I responded, “Yeah totally…Sweet Child o Mine.” Before he could correct me, I went on: “Patience? Welcome to the Jungle? Paradise City? Oh I know, Chinese Democracy.”
He was somewhat confused at this point. “Uh, wrong. Try November...